Keyboard Philosopher

Out of pure coincidence today I happened upon a blog directly related to my previous post. Check out Literally, A Web Log, “an English language grammar blog tracking the abuse of the word ‘literally’.”

I have an on-going love affair with the English language. I have a vast appreciation for the many ways in which the language is spoken and written. I have great respect for those who devise clever word usages and linguistic manipulations. But in modern language there’s a particular failed attempt at such effect which is truly irritating…

The ability to use words figuratively is a powerful tool. It allows us to express complex thoughts in terms of things easier to understand (e.g. "The General embraced the idea of a cease-fire"). At times it simply makes for a great literary device (e.g. "Those boxes were so heavy that my arms are going to fall off!").

But if any statement can be meant figuratively, how can we ensure that a reader will realize a given statement is not figurative when there might be doubt? Lucky us, We have a special word just for this purpose: "literally". It is the single magic word which dispels all doubt.

Except now people are using the word "literally" figuratively! That doesn’t work. You can’t do it. "Literally" is the only word in the entire English language that you can’t take figuratively. Choose a different victim. "Literally" is an English axiom. I commonly hear statements like "he literally went ape shit" (he became gorilla feces??) and "at that point she literally just lost her head" (sounds inconvenient). These people are attempting to inject grandeur into their speech and they end up sounding like chumps.

Our words are rapidly losing meaning because of the way we abuse them. I can’t help but be reminded of 1984’s Newspeak, a language so watered down that one cannot express a logical thought.

Wow. Since I actually managed to post about language without having my ass chewed off by anti-grammar guerrillas, I have to point out one more which irks me.

“out loud”

When I was a kid many of my teachers would tell us students to read “out loud”. Later I learned the word ‘aloud’ and almost immediately realized that “out loud” was a lazy, colloquial bastardization of the word ‘aloud’.

Now this one is a tougher fight than the others I have complained about because you can find some dictionary support for the incorrect version (namely Merriam-Webster, which is complete trendwhore of a dictionary, IMHO). But I’m a firm believer that we must hold the line on some aspects of language—not simply sanction whatever jibberish the masses spout (how many of you really want ‘nother’ in the dictionary because Midwesterners like to say “that’s a whole nother story”? How about ‘ain’t'?).

But I’m not without support on this one. Garner’s Modern American Usage (2003) says, “’Out loud’ is simply the colloquial equivalent of ‘aloud.’ Use ‘aloud’ in all but the most casual of settings.” So I’m not just crazy.

Yes, that means LOL is wrong. LA.

I have to bitch about this because nearly everyone does this now and then—including many writing professionals—and it’s just sloppy.

“for free”

‘Free’ is an adjective or an adverb (or a verb under the other definition), but never a noun. That said, you can get something free, you can get something free of charge, you can get something gratis, you can get something for nothing, but you cannot get something for free.

Just drop the extra word, save some breath and say it right. It’s not a ‘buy one, get one for free’ sale, is it?

“some more”

No, you cannot get ‘some more’ ice cream (‘for free’, as it were). You can get some, or you can get more, but not both together. It’s redundant. Pick the word which expresses what you mean to say and then drop the other. If you’ve had some and you are asking for some yet again, then you are clearly asking for more. Alternately, if you are asking for more, then they know that you want some. You don’t need both words.

Say it slowly. Some more. It doesn’t even sound right. It only even sounds tolerable when you slur in into ‘suh-more’. And we know that’s not right.

We all slip up now and then, but I doubt that most people have even considered these errors.